I like your blog design! I think the choices of light colors makes this blog more pleasant. Although I like darker colors, I am noticing that if a blog has darker colors, than it has harder to read. Your design is simple, clean, and very approachable! I believe it is the same theme I have, so it's nice to see that the theme I chose is working well!
Hey Kelsey! I enjoyed reading the introduction to your storybook. It made me want to check in on your blog to see where you take it! You do a great job of describing the setting. It's very detail oriented and I could picture exactly where the story was taking me. I don't know if you picked the picture after you'd already written the story or found it after, but it fits perfectly! You do a very good job of setting up the mood of the story and I think your blog theme and color reflect that. I think you could find a better way of saying "curiosity wins again," rather than repeating the same phrase you already used. Maybe "the urge to read on was irresistible." In the second to last paragraph "call" needs to be changed to "calls," but besides that I didn't see any spelling or grammar mistakes. I like werewolves so I'm definitely interested in finding out where your story is going to go!
I really loved reading your introduction! I didn't know where it was going, but when it hit the part with the journal I was hooked! Especially the part where we find out it's about werewolves!
My only commentary is that I think your title, theme, and the front page image could better portray the content of your storybook. As is, I didn't know it was about werewolves until that last line. This storybook could be more enticing from first glance, without even reading the introduction if we first thing find out that it's about werewolves! To be honest, as is, I thought it was simply about different wolves in mythology. So, if your focus is on werewolves, I would consider some changes.
But, really that introduction was so well done. It made it personal to the reader off the bat, and is written so beautifully! I look forward to reading your stories!
I also really liked your introduction image, it really added to the atmosphere.
Great storytelling Kelsey! I like how you kept me on my toes the whole time not knowing where you were going. It made want to read more. I like how you kept the theme of your story shrouded in secrecy until the end. You don't want to give the whole basket of apples at once! I would make a suggestion about formatting your words. It was a little hard to read since there weren't a lot of spaces between paragraphs. Maybe add a line or two between big paragraphs. That should help with that problem. Maybe you could look at different site templates as well. It would be cool to find maybe a forest or wooded theme. Those are just very picky details thought. Always remember to reread your story aloud so you can hear your subject verb agreement. Great job and I look forward to reading more of your storybook as the semester progresses!
Wolves! I wrote a lot about them in the begging when I was reading Aesop's Fables. They are my second favorite behind lions. If you haven't already you should read some of my stories about wolves and such. They are on the rugged boyish side but who knows, could draw inspirations or contrasts or something that could aid you. Here are some links if so, don't sweat it if not haha:
Hey Kelsey! First off, I love the design of your storybook; it goes really well with the theme of your storybook! The font is great and the colors go really well with the large picture of the gray wolf. Your title really caught my attention, as I chose to write about Aesop's fables as well for my storybook! I really like that the picture is at the beginning of your story, it really sets the scene for your introduction. I like your use of "you" in the introduction, basically placing the reading right inside your story! Though, you might want to start that just a little bit earlier in the introduction in order to have a smooth transition. I sort of did a double take at the first "you" used because it seemed sudden. Wow! I loved the way that you started your stories as me finding the diary of stories! That is so creative and it really is such a cool element! You might want to add something about sitting down to read the journal!
Really nice design of your storybook! Every aspect of it from the wooden background to the color scheme really ties together the theme of being in the forest. I also feel like it has a nice fall feel to it with the browns and warm colors that were implemented.
You did a really good job of creating an introduction that leaves the reader wanting to know what’s going to come next in your subsequent stories. Your word choice and imagery really puts the reader in this forest setting and gets them intrigued as to what is going to happen and what is in the diary. I chose to do my storybook in a diary type fashion as well! I think this helps create a more personal story.
Overall you did a really great job! I’m really excited to see how your storybook will develop over the course of the rest of the semester!
I love the setup of your Storybook! It definitely feels like I’m taking a walk in the woods as I started to read the introduction. The pictures are really great too, especially the one for the introduction. It really helped me picture the atmosphere that you were describing, which I think is really important for this type of storybook.
Just a couple of small things that you might change: The color of the letters and the color of the background kind of made it hard to read the story. I would change the color of the letters, just to make it a little easier on the reader’s eyes. The only other thing that I saw was that you got a little inconsistent with the spacing between your paragraphs. It started out with what looks like two spaces and then towards the end there are a few where it is one or even no spaces. Just something to look at!
Loved the introduction and look forward to reading your stories as you write them!
As I read: * Great opening line, it makes the reader kinda look away from the story to take in the picture, the orange background, and the wood panel theme of the site. All of which work together to create a tone that feels almost soothing and creepy at the same time. * Putting that picture at the beginning is working very well for me. * I like how you lull the reader into a false sense of security. The 2nd pov is character is tired but still goes out into the forest – and all I can think to myself is that “oh, no, something’s gonna happen.” But I’ve watched a lot of horror movies, so. * Don’t pick that journal up. It’s probably cursed. * Oooo, I love that a lot.
I’ve always expounded the virtues of last lines. Last lines and first lines are the most important parts of a story and both of yours are wonderful. I can’t wait to see where you go with this!
I really like the background for your storybook. It fits well with your story along with the picture. I felt the black font color with the dark orange background could make it hard to read. You separated your paragraphs nicely so it was easy to read. The placement of the picture fits well in the introduction.
About the story itself, I really enjoyed reading it and I liked the descriptive words you used. It was really vivid and created a mental image as I read it, which is a mark of a good writer. It was good to have it in the perspective of the wolf so we see a different perspective. I liked the ending because it gives us the curiosity to read more about what he’s going to find in the diary.
I really look forward to reading this when it is finished too see what he finds. Also because this is really well written and it can give me ideas of how to write some of my future works.
Wow, your introduction was incredible. I loved all the description words that really painted the picture and described the setting of the whole storybook. The word choice you choice was impeccable and I can’t wait to read more of your stories if it is anything like your introduction.
Your first story was the same way as your introductions. The transitions were great and I loved all the dialogue so I could really grasp what was happening. I am a huge fan of wolf stories and I think they are a really hot topic right now so great topic choice, as well.
I loved the cliffhanger at the end, too. I think that creates a well-written story because it keeps the reader coming back for more. Changing the ending from the original story is always a great option because it puts a different perspective on the story and gives it an unknown twist. I know I want to continue reading in this storybook. Keep up the great work about stories and wolves.
Your introduction had me hooked! I could not wait to read the first story. I liked how you built the suspense in the introduction. I liked the image on the introduction page as well. I thought it helped set the tone for the first scene of the storybook. I thought the orange and fall colors were a good choice for a layout. However, the white text is a little hard to read for me. Maybe if the black front was a tad bigger. I would suggest sticking with a neutral color for font so it does not take away from your story. I think making each story look like it is a diary book entry is very creative. I know it is a little thing, but it does add the diary affect to your storybook. I plan on keeping up with your story book. I look forward to reading more soon!
Hello Kelsey, I really like the background of your storybook. It gives me the feeling that I am deep in the woods surrounded by trees and helps me prepare for a story titled the Wolf Diary. I really like how you provided such imagery in your introduction. I could almost feel the sensations of the environment around me and thought of the times that I have walked through woodlands. I definitely would have picked up a gold diary in that case and started reading it and I like how the wolf has a bit of cockiness in his diary. I really like how you show when we are reading the wolf's diary by using white colored text and when we are back to reality with black colored text. That really helps differentiate between fiction and reality in your tale. The only question I have is more of a small kink in the tale. If it is too dark for the reader to find the path back home then how is he still able to read the diary. Does it glow when he opens it or is there still enough light left in the day for the man to read, but not find the trail? Other than that small kink I really like your story and look forward to finding out more.
I think you did a great job in several different areas. I like that you wrote this as a journal entry and really allowed the wolf's personality to show. I also enjoyed the wit and character that you portrayed throughout your writing. The change up you did with the ending was really clever as well. I like your portrayal of how you thought the story should go in using the way that he WISHES it had turned out. One thing that I would critique is your transition from the journal to reality. I got lost when I was reading it and had to re read it in order to full understand what was going on. Great concept but I think it needed a little better execution. In saying that though, I think you did a great job and I enjoyed reading it.
Hey Kelsey, it's me again. I really enjoyed your intro so I had to come back and see where you are taking things! I must say I am very impressed with everything thus far. I like how you are doing a diary! I am doing a diary as well. I think since we both have journals it makes it easier to write. I have to agree that it was a little difficult to follow from the diary to real life. I think you should go back and tighten up what you are trying to say. Other than that I really like what you have done! I very excited to see where you take this story next!
Hi Kelsey! I am doing my extra credit project comments. I picked your story as the title looked very interesting. I write my comments by putting the windows side by side. Hence different paragraphs are my reaction to reading each page. The coverpage looks simple and catchy and the image helps tremendously.
Wow! Very nicely written introduction. The description is so well written, I pictured myself in the story. The layout and the font are easily visible and looks nice. I cannot wait to click entry 1 to read the first story as the introduction does a great job in keeping the reader intrigued.
On to the story. I read the original story before. It made me realize how many things you changed and how it was so beautifully written from a different perspective. I thought you did a good job on using different fonts and colors to show the difference between reality and the journal. I didn't think that was a problem. But I was wondering how I am reading the journal in the dark :) Is there some light in the distance?
I cannot wait to read the other entries! I will come back to read them!! Excellent job!
I love love love your theme! Wolves are so cool, and I have read so many stories with them this semester so I'm sure you had many to pick from!
The background of your Portfolio, as well as the graphics and pictures used are awesome for the theme. They all fit together. They are sort of majestic, sort of fairytale like. I love it.
I think it was really effective for you to use first-person narrative. I always love this point of view the best because you can really see into the narrator's thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Your descriptive writing is impeccable. I can see everything you are describing in the introduction crystal clear. I love when you talked about the sunlight dancing through the trees. Personification like this is really impressive. I also like how you changed the font of the last sentence to be white. It really stodd out which is what you wanted.
I enjoyed reading your stories along with the introduction. The storybook idea is a really cool idea giving room for someone to build up their ideas and put them all together. I actually forgot the story was about a person walking through the woods and finding a diary. I got so lost in the chapter 1 story. This is a great idea to start a storybook and has the opportunity to get very creative and make stories that are much different form one another. I also like that you use different font color to distinguish the diary dialogue form the story dialogue. I didn't see any grammar issues and your story seemed to flow well. I'm interested to see how the rest of your storybook comes out. I'll be keeping up with the different posts that you have. I enjoyed reading your entry for the storybook. Great job!
Hi Kelsey! The picture you chose for the cover page is great. It's super detailed. However, it would be really cool if you could have the eyes kind of "glow" to create a more intense effect! But that's just a random suggestion! I loved your introduction. I like that you wrote it in a way that made it more personal between the reader and the narrator. Also, the very last sentence definitely hooked me in because it's not everyday someone stumbles upon the diary of the wolf! The picture you chose for the introduction page was also perfect as well because it is exactly how I would have imagined it to look while reading the introduction. The first story was excellent. I loved that you portrayed the wolf as a self-loving creature in the way that he spoke of himself. His personality shines through. I didn't know that this story was the wolf's 'false reality' until I read your author's note, however. But I love your stories thus far. I can't wait to read the rest!
Hey Kelsey, great story! It was really interesting and kept me interested. I really like the look of your blog as well. I think it is easy to use and looks visually appealing. Maybe it would be better to change it to a dark font on a lighter background if people are having trouble reading it. You introduction was very interesting and kept me interested. I enjoyed the part about the wolves. I really think you did a great job and look forward to reading more of your work. I haven’t seen many storybook projects but yours is really good and interesting. I enjoyed reading your material. Good luck with the rest of your blog and the semester. I look forward to reading more of your work. I think you have a really good project going here so far. I like what I have read so far and look forward to reading more.
I had read your introduction and decided to read your stories this week for free choice. I liked the theme of the Aesop Wolves. I enjoyed both stories. I like that you used your own imagination to create them, but an idea from the original fable struck that energy.
In the second story my suspense was built when the wolf noticed how hungry he was and a kid walked by him. My only recommendation here is to specify if that is a human child or a “kid” such as a goat. I was a tad bit confused when it came to that.
I did not find any grammatical errors. I would try to stay away from contractions in your story.
I liked the image of the wolves at the end. It made me think of a good and bad wolf, like an angel and a devil, since one of them was white and one was black. It also relates back to the story about how the wolf was turning over a new leaf.
I'm excited to see where you've gone with this! Thoughts as I read “Entry #1”:
• Great opening line!
• I’m a big fan of using periods to stress individual words, but the flow of this one is weird. I’d suggest maybe using italics or changing your word choice. Also, I think those words can still be all on one line.
• Gotta love the ego of wolves, haha.
• I like how you change the font color to indicate a setting change – that’s pretty clever!
I really like this installment – it introduces us to the style you’ll be using. Good work. I also glanced at your second chapter and it’s pretty good, too. The only thing you should look at here is fixing your formatting. Some of these paragraphs are missing spaces between them.
The pictures you’ve used are awesome! The one in the second installment is gorgeous and really does emphasize the two contrasting sides of the wolf’s inner self.
Hey I loved your intro and first story! You set it up great. I kept wondering what was happening the whole time and the closer we got to the end I got more into it!
My only thing was I had some confusion about who the main character is that this is surrounding. Or is it someone? Are we supposed to know? That was the only thing I was confused about.
I liked the picture you chose! It fit the description you had perfectly! I wanted to go walk through the forest when I was reading. So much of the time we are racing from class to work and so on. We never take a second to stop and think about what's outside our little world. This story makes you do that.
Oh and the ending about being a wolf not being easy is a great cliffhanger. Keep up the good work!
Hey Kelsey, So the introduction to your storybook was very fascinating because of the walk in the woods and then finding the diary on the floor. I think the addition of the wood picture was perfect to give out the feeling and imagery of your storybook. I’m originally from New England so the forests there are much more then those found here in Oklahoma. It took me back home so I got a good image of the woods and the reader finding the diary on the floor. Regarding the first story I think you did a very good job by choosing the write the story in the wolf’s perspective. This allowed the reader to see what the wolf is thinking. Finally I think you did an excellent job in how you ended the first story by using the famous cliffhangers to keep the reader wanting more. That is a classical tactic and I do not think I have seen that in any storybook that I have read so far. Good Job and keep up the good work!
Hi Kelsey! I read your introduction and the first story before, hence, I came back to check if you added another one. And I was happy to see you did.
I really like the change of direction the story took. The first story was all about him almost eating the kid. But on this one, he lets the first kid go and decides on the next kid. That change was really awesome because it was different than most wolf stories. I really like how you kept the readers intrigued right until the end, and we still don't know what happens! That is some good writing. The image is very wonderful and it went very nicely with the main point of the story. I didn't find any errors. But few sentences about the diary reader who is in the forest would've been cool.
I cannot wait for the next story and cannot wait to see which way you take this. Great job!
I had only read your introduction, so I came back to read your stories. I was so happy to see that you changed your theme and title! The Wolf Diary works SO much better! Tell Laura that you changed your title though, she still has it listed as "Aesop's Wolves".
I like the diary format, it works so well. I also like the style that you have written in! Like, reading your story feels like I am actually reading someone's diary! Well done.
I'm also happy to see properly formatted (and good) dialogue and thoughts! Not everyone knows how to use those well, and you did a great job.
I also like that your Storybook is a continuing story. It made me want to read on!
Hey Girl, it's me again! Your intro and first story were both so good that I just had to come back and check out your second story! Great job I must say! Going through this class, I can get worded out easily, but the way your writing flows make me want to read more. You should look into becoming a professional writer! You have some great elements in your storybook. I like that you keep changing it slightly each time I visit. It gets better and better visually. Great job!
I really love your story book! You did a great job on the theme and the background. The colors you used are very woodsy and I love that it helps tie the theme back to wolves. I really enjoyed your first story because I read it one of the first weeks of this class and it is one of my favorites! I really like how you chose to make these all one continuous story about a wolf by continuing on after you clicked the link at the bottom of the page before the author’s notes. I also love how you have author’s notes after each story to explain where you got the story! That is very informative. Your pictures are all very fitting. They’re very enjoyable to look at. Overall, your project is very good! It is aesthetically pleasing and I really like the way you put it together. I can’t wait to see the finished project!!!
Hey Kelsey, so reading through your second story was really enjoyable because I got to see what happened to the boy playing music. Through your words I was able to see why the wolf didn’t eat the kid. This is why I really like how you put your story in first person through the eyes of the big bad wolf that eats everybody. The fact that he gets hungry makes me see that he’s not all that bad and he just wants to eat. This allows me to see why the wolf is bad in the eyes of others. At the same time I can see that the wolf doesn’t want to be seen as weak for not eating the kid. You did a really good job telling the reader what wolf was thinking and allowing us to feel what he was feeling through the way you described his hunger. Good job!
HI Kelsey! I picked your storybook as my free choice as I really liked your first two stories. I was happy that you added a third story as the second was really intriguing.
This story was really great as well. Thankfully, the wolf made a good decision, and we had a happy ending. I like how you continued to show us how conflicted he was in deciding to let the boy. Those details were really nice and it showed how close he was to having the boy for lunch. I felt you did a great job in finishing this storybook. You tied up all the ends, and finished really nicely. The part where the reader finishes reading contains great amount of details. That was really great! The ending was really nice also as I thought the wolf might come out of somewhere to attack the reader. The details about the bed made it really great as it's making me want to go to sleep now. Again, great job!
Hey Kelsey! So we have been put in a group a couple times and I just wanted to let you know that I have really enjoyed reading your stories! You always put so much detail into them and they are so creative and fun to read. Your visual language really lets me imagine the story in my head and makes it that much more enjoyable. I hope that this class has been fun for you and keep up the good work for the remainder of the semester! Good job!
Hey girl, I'm here again for the last time. You told me you added a third story, so I had to come back and read it! Way to end your storybook! I love the title too, "Good or Evil." It kept me guessing on what direction you were taking your story. I just love your writing style! It is clear and easy to understand exactly what you are trying to convey. I'm glad you character made the good choice and not be evil. It was a great ending. Thanks for sharing your awesome writing talents. See you later!
Hi Kelsey! I was so excited to see your Storybook voted as one of the favorites! You definitely deserve it! I really enjoy reading your stories! You put so much detail into them and it is so impressive! Your writing style is also amazing! You make your stories very easy to read and easy to understand. You keep the stories detailed yet simple enough to follow along which can be hard to do sometimes. As far as your 3rd story goes, I was really happy the wolf made the right decision! I went through each of stories one more time to see if I could find any grammar or structure issues but it looked pretty perfect to me! Everything appears to be edited and looks very clean. I can tell you worked very hard on this storybook! I hope you enjoyed writing the stories as much as we enjoyed reading them! Way to go Kelsey!
Hey Kelsey, I decided to visit your storybook this week because I hadn’t had a chance to visit it yet this semester. Let me tell you, it definitely lived up to my expectations since seeing that it was nominated for this semester’s favorites. Congratulations on that by the way! First of all, I really love your storybook’s layout; everything is so well put together and I get a very clear feeling of autumn and just woods from it which is just amazing. Beyond that, your writing does a really good job of pulling the reader into the story. I liked how you move your story along by the use of a diary; it’s a plot device that often is not utilized as well as you have done. I was also really impressed by your introduction. The use of second person in this part of the story really does a fantastic job of bringing the reader deep into the story. Great job!
Hello! I am actually in the Indian Epics class, but since this week we are given the opportunity to comment on other works, I decided to read through your storybook. It was really interesting to see how the different classes have their own styles of writing, based on what we have all been reading and I definitely enjoyed reading through your storybook. Firstly, I like how you draw the reader into your story by having it told in a particular narrative style that makes it feel like you are actually experiencing the events. I also really enjoyed how you used the diary to tell different myths, as if it was just from one wolf’s life, rather than a multitude of unrelated events. This made the storybook more amusing for me. My only critique is that the colors of the back ground with the white and black text are a bit hard on the eyes. Overall, I really loved your story book. Good luck with the remainder of the semester and finals!
Hey Kelsey! I love everything about wolves so I was immediately interested in your storybook. (I'm currently writing a novel about werewolves!) I read your Introduction a few weeks ago and I was happy to come back this week and read some more! I love the world that you created. I also like the feeling that I'm participating in the story because I'm the reader. I really liked the voice of the narrator in your story! He seems very sassy and clever. I usually don't like cliffhangers but you'd already written the next entry so I'll forgive you. The mixture of dialogue and inner monologue made the story dynamic and I was able to see the story very clearly. The change in font color was a smart idea. It jarred me out of the story world, just like the main character. I think you did an awesome job with this entry!
Hello! I had never actually seen your storybook, so when I read it from the Favourites list, I got to experience the whole thing in one go and I have to say it was a very well put together tale! I really like the style of dual stories; the reader and the wolf. Differing the font colours really helped to tell the two apart, though I am not sure the stark black and white is a proper fit. Pulling the lighter brown from the side menu to substitute the white, and the dark brown of the navigation label for the black would really tie everything together! It may be too late in the class for that now, though, so feel free to ignore that XD.
I think my favourite part of the whole storybook is the end of the wolf's part in the third story, where he explains that he left the diary on purpose to help others. It really shows character growth on his part!
I was so happy to see that your storybook was picked as one of the favorites. I had hoped other people had enjoyed it as much as me. I think I liked it so much because I really like wolves and think they are beautiful creatures. I liked the recent story you added. One thing that is important is your stories were able to keep attention through the whole story book. I also liked that in the ending story you chose to end on a positive note. I think you did a good job picking out the images for this story book. I felt like I was in the woods with each story I read. Your layout stayed the same throughout the story book, which is important because it is simple and doesn’t take away from the images. Your author’s notes were always detailed, which helped the reader understand your thought process.
I like your blog design! I think the choices of light colors makes this blog more pleasant. Although I like darker colors, I am noticing that if a blog has darker colors, than it has harder to read.
ReplyDeleteYour design is simple, clean, and very approachable! I believe it is the same theme I have, so it's nice to see that the theme I chose is working well!
Hey Kelsey! I enjoyed reading the introduction to your storybook. It made me want to check in on your blog to see where you take it! You do a great job of describing the setting. It's very detail oriented and I could picture exactly where the story was taking me. I don't know if you picked the picture after you'd already written the story or found it after, but it fits perfectly! You do a very good job of setting up the mood of the story and I think your blog theme and color reflect that. I think you could find a better way of saying "curiosity wins again," rather than repeating the same phrase you already used. Maybe "the urge to read on was irresistible." In the second to last paragraph "call" needs to be changed to "calls," but besides that I didn't see any spelling or grammar mistakes. I like werewolves so I'm definitely interested in finding out where your story is going to go!
ReplyDeleteI really loved reading your introduction! I didn't know where it was going, but when it hit the part with the journal I was hooked! Especially the part where we find out it's about werewolves!
ReplyDeleteMy only commentary is that I think your title, theme, and the front page image could better portray the content of your storybook. As is, I didn't know it was about werewolves until that last line. This storybook could be more enticing from first glance, without even reading the introduction if we first thing find out that it's about werewolves! To be honest, as is, I thought it was simply about different wolves in mythology. So, if your focus is on werewolves, I would consider some changes.
But, really that introduction was so well done. It made it personal to the reader off the bat, and is written so beautifully! I look forward to reading your stories!
I also really liked your introduction image, it really added to the atmosphere.
Great storytelling Kelsey! I like how you kept me on my toes the whole time not knowing where you were going. It made want to read more. I like how you kept the theme of your story shrouded in secrecy until the end. You don't want to give the whole basket of apples at once! I would make a suggestion about formatting your words. It was a little hard to read since there weren't a lot of spaces between paragraphs. Maybe add a line or two between big paragraphs. That should help with that problem. Maybe you could look at different site templates as well. It would be cool to find maybe a forest or wooded theme. Those are just very picky details thought. Always remember to reread your story aloud so you can hear your subject verb agreement. Great job and I look forward to reading more of your storybook as the semester progresses!
ReplyDeleteWolves! I wrote a lot about them in the begging when I was reading Aesop's Fables. They are my second favorite behind lions. If you haven't already you should read some of my stories about wolves and such. They are on the rugged boyish side but who knows, could draw inspirations or contrasts or something that could aid you. Here are some links if so, don't sweat it if not haha:
ReplyDelete1) http://michaelal-jiboori.blogspot.com/2015/09/week-4-storytelling-wolves-lions-glory.html
2) http://michaelal-jiboori.blogspot.com/2015/09/week-2-storytelling-a.html 3)
3)http://michaelal-jiboori.blogspot.com/2015/09/week-3-storytelling-boy-who-stuck-his.html
The first one especially. It will be interesting to read your work. I'm excited.
Hey Kelsey! First off, I love the design of your storybook; it goes really well with the theme of your storybook! The font is great and the colors go really well with the large picture of the gray wolf. Your title really caught my attention, as I chose to write about Aesop's fables as well for my storybook! I really like that the picture is at the beginning of your story, it really sets the scene for your introduction. I like your use of "you" in the introduction, basically placing the reading right inside your story! Though, you might want to start that just a little bit earlier in the introduction in order to have a smooth transition. I sort of did a double take at the first "you" used because it seemed sudden. Wow! I loved the way that you started your stories as me finding the diary of stories! That is so creative and it really is such a cool element! You might want to add something about sitting down to read the journal!
ReplyDeleteReally nice design of your storybook! Every aspect of it from the wooden background to the color scheme really ties together the theme of being in the forest. I also feel like it has a nice fall feel to it with the browns and warm colors that were implemented.
ReplyDeleteYou did a really good job of creating an introduction that leaves the reader wanting to know what’s going to come next in your subsequent stories. Your word choice and imagery really puts the reader in this forest setting and gets them intrigued as to what is going to happen and what is in the diary. I chose to do my storybook in a diary type fashion as well! I think this helps create a more personal story.
Overall you did a really great job! I’m really excited to see how your storybook will develop over the course of the rest of the semester!
I love the setup of your Storybook! It definitely feels like I’m taking a walk in the woods as I started to read the introduction. The pictures are really great too, especially the one for the introduction. It really helped me picture the atmosphere that you were describing, which I think is really important for this type of storybook.
ReplyDeleteJust a couple of small things that you might change:
The color of the letters and the color of the background kind of made it hard to read the story. I would change the color of the letters, just to make it a little easier on the reader’s eyes.
The only other thing that I saw was that you got a little inconsistent with the spacing between your paragraphs. It started out with what looks like two spaces and then towards the end there are a few where it is one or even no spaces. Just something to look at!
Loved the introduction and look forward to reading your stories as you write them!
As I read:
ReplyDelete* Great opening line, it makes the reader kinda look away from the story to take in the picture, the orange background, and the wood panel theme of the site. All of which work together to create a tone that feels almost soothing and creepy at the same time.
* Putting that picture at the beginning is working very well for me.
* I like how you lull the reader into a false sense of security. The 2nd pov is character is tired but still goes out into the forest – and all I can think to myself is that “oh, no, something’s gonna happen.” But I’ve watched a lot of horror movies, so.
* Don’t pick that journal up. It’s probably cursed.
* Oooo, I love that a lot.
I’ve always expounded the virtues of last lines. Last lines and first lines are the most important parts of a story and both of yours are wonderful. I can’t wait to see where you go with this!
I really like the background for your storybook. It fits well with your story along with the picture. I felt the black font color with the dark orange background could make it hard to read. You separated your paragraphs nicely so it was easy to read. The placement of the picture fits well in the introduction.
ReplyDeleteAbout the story itself, I really enjoyed reading it and I liked the descriptive words you used. It was really vivid and created a mental image as I read it, which is a mark of a good writer. It was good to have it in the perspective of the wolf so we see a different perspective. I liked the ending because it gives us the curiosity to read more about what he’s going to find in the diary.
I really look forward to reading this when it is finished too see what he finds. Also because this is really well written and it can give me ideas of how to write some of my future works.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteWow, your introduction was incredible. I loved all the description words that really painted the picture and described the setting of the whole storybook. The word choice you choice was impeccable and I can’t wait to read more of your stories if it is anything like your introduction.
Your first story was the same way as your introductions. The transitions were great and I loved all the dialogue so I could really grasp what was happening. I am a huge fan of wolf stories and I think they are a really hot topic right now so great topic choice, as well.
I loved the cliffhanger at the end, too. I think that creates a well-written story because it keeps the reader coming back for more. Changing the ending from the original story is always a great option because it puts a different perspective on the story and gives it an unknown twist. I know I want to continue reading in this storybook. Keep up the great work about stories and wolves.
Your introduction had me hooked! I could not wait to read the first story. I liked how you built the suspense in the introduction.
ReplyDeleteI liked the image on the introduction page as well. I thought it helped set the tone for the first scene of the storybook. I thought the orange and fall colors were a good choice for a layout. However, the white text is a little hard to read for me. Maybe if the black front was a tad bigger. I would suggest sticking with a neutral color for font so it does not take away from your story.
I think making each story look like it is a diary book entry is very creative. I know it is a little thing, but it does add the diary affect to your storybook.
I plan on keeping up with your story book. I look forward to reading more soon!
Hello Kelsey,
ReplyDeleteI really like the background of your storybook. It gives me the feeling that I am deep in the woods surrounded by trees and helps me prepare for a story titled the Wolf Diary. I really like how you provided such imagery in your introduction. I could almost feel the sensations of the environment around me and thought of the times that I have walked through woodlands. I definitely would have picked up a gold diary in that case and started reading it and I like how the wolf has a bit of cockiness in his diary. I really like how you show when we are reading the wolf's diary by using white colored text and when we are back to reality with black colored text. That really helps differentiate between fiction and reality in your tale. The only question I have is more of a small kink in the tale. If it is too dark for the reader to find the path back home then how is he still able to read the diary. Does it glow when he opens it or is there still enough light left in the day for the man to read, but not find the trail? Other than that small kink I really like your story and look forward to finding out more.
I think you did a great job in several different areas. I like that you wrote this as a journal entry and really allowed the wolf's personality to show. I also enjoyed the wit and character that you portrayed throughout your writing. The change up you did with the ending was really clever as well. I like your portrayal of how you thought the story should go in using the way that he WISHES it had turned out. One thing that I would critique is your transition from the journal to reality. I got lost when I was reading it and had to re read it in order to full understand what was going on. Great concept but I think it needed a little better execution. In saying that though, I think you did a great job and I enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDeleteHey Kelsey, it's me again. I really enjoyed your intro so I had to come back and see where you are taking things! I must say I am very impressed with everything thus far. I like how you are doing a diary! I am doing a diary as well. I think since we both have journals it makes it easier to write. I have to agree that it was a little difficult to follow from the diary to real life. I think you should go back and tighten up what you are trying to say. Other than that I really like what you have done! I very excited to see where you take this story next!
ReplyDeleteHi Kelsey! I am doing my extra credit project comments. I picked your story as the title looked very interesting. I write my comments by putting the windows side by side. Hence different paragraphs are my reaction to reading each page. The coverpage looks simple and catchy and the image helps tremendously.
ReplyDeleteWow! Very nicely written introduction. The description is so well written, I pictured myself in the story. The layout and the font are easily visible and looks nice. I cannot wait to click entry 1 to read the first story as the introduction does a great job in keeping the reader intrigued.
On to the story. I read the original story before. It made me realize how many things you changed and how it was so beautifully written from a different perspective. I thought you did a good job on using different fonts and colors to show the difference between reality and the journal. I didn't think that was a problem. But I was wondering how I am reading the journal in the dark :) Is there some light in the distance?
I cannot wait to read the other entries! I will come back to read them!! Excellent job!
I love love love your theme! Wolves are so cool, and I have read so many stories with them this semester so I'm sure you had many to pick from!
ReplyDeleteThe background of your Portfolio, as well as the graphics and pictures used are awesome for the theme. They all fit together. They are sort of majestic, sort of fairytale like. I love it.
I think it was really effective for you to use first-person narrative. I always love this point of view the best because you can really see into the narrator's thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Your descriptive writing is impeccable. I can see everything you are describing in the introduction crystal clear. I love when you talked about the sunlight dancing through the trees. Personification like this is really impressive. I also like how you changed the font of the last sentence to be white. It really stodd out which is what you wanted.
I cannot wait to read more of your stuff!
I enjoyed reading your stories along with the introduction. The storybook idea is a really cool idea giving room for someone to build up their ideas and put them all together. I actually forgot the story was about a person walking through the woods and finding a diary. I got so lost in the chapter 1 story. This is a great idea to start a storybook and has the opportunity to get very creative and make stories that are much different form one another. I also like that you use different font color to distinguish the diary dialogue form the story dialogue. I didn't see any grammar issues and your story seemed to flow well. I'm interested to see how the rest of your storybook comes out. I'll be keeping up with the different posts that you have. I enjoyed reading your entry for the storybook. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Kelsey! The picture you chose for the cover page is great. It's super detailed. However, it would be really cool if you could have the eyes kind of "glow" to create a more intense effect! But that's just a random suggestion! I loved your introduction. I like that you wrote it in a way that made it more personal between the reader and the narrator. Also, the very last sentence definitely hooked me in because it's not everyday someone stumbles upon the diary of the wolf! The picture you chose for the introduction page was also perfect as well because it is exactly how I would have imagined it to look while reading the introduction. The first story was excellent. I loved that you portrayed the wolf as a self-loving creature in the way that he spoke of himself. His personality shines through. I didn't know that this story was the wolf's 'false reality' until I read your author's note, however. But I love your stories thus far. I can't wait to read the rest!
ReplyDeleteHey Kelsey, great story! It was really interesting and kept me interested. I really like the look of your blog as well. I think it is easy to use and looks visually appealing. Maybe it would be better to change it to a dark font on a lighter background if people are having trouble reading it. You introduction was very interesting and kept me interested. I enjoyed the part about the wolves. I really think you did a great job and look forward to reading more of your work. I haven’t seen many storybook projects but yours is really good and interesting. I enjoyed reading your material. Good luck with the rest of your blog and the semester. I look forward to reading more of your work. I think you have a really good project going here so far. I like what I have read so far and look forward to reading more.
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ReplyDeleteI had read your introduction and decided to read your stories this week for free choice. I liked the theme of the Aesop Wolves. I enjoyed both stories. I like that you used your own imagination to create them, but an idea from the original fable struck that energy.
ReplyDeleteIn the second story my suspense was built when the wolf noticed how hungry he was and a kid walked by him. My only recommendation here is to specify if that is a human child or a “kid” such as a goat. I was a tad bit confused when it came to that.
I did not find any grammatical errors. I would try to stay away from contractions in your story.
I liked the image of the wolves at the end. It made me think of a good and bad wolf, like an angel and a devil, since one of them was white and one was black. It also relates back to the story about how the wolf was turning over a new leaf.
I look forward to reading more about the wolves!
Hey, Kelsey!
ReplyDeleteI'm excited to see where you've gone with this! Thoughts as I read “Entry #1”:
• Great opening line!
• I’m a big fan of using periods to stress individual words, but the flow of this one is weird. I’d suggest maybe using italics or changing your word choice. Also, I think those words can still be all on one line.
• Gotta love the ego of wolves, haha.
• I like how you change the font color to indicate a setting change – that’s pretty clever!
I really like this installment – it introduces us to the style you’ll be using. Good work. I also glanced at your second chapter and it’s pretty good, too. The only thing you should look at here is fixing your formatting. Some of these paragraphs are missing spaces between them.
The pictures you’ve used are awesome! The one in the second installment is gorgeous and really does emphasize the two contrasting sides of the wolf’s inner self.
Well done!
Hey I loved your intro and first story! You set it up great. I kept wondering what was happening the whole time and the closer we got to the end I got more into it!
ReplyDeleteMy only thing was I had some confusion about who the main character is that this is surrounding. Or is it someone? Are we supposed to know? That was the only thing I was confused about.
I liked the picture you chose! It fit the description you had perfectly! I wanted to go walk through the forest when I was reading. So much of the time we are racing from class to work and so on. We never take a second to stop and think about what's outside our little world. This story makes you do that.
Oh and the ending about being a wolf not being easy is a great cliffhanger. Keep up the good work!
Hey Kelsey,
ReplyDeleteSo the introduction to your storybook was very fascinating because of the walk in the woods and then finding the diary on the floor. I think the addition of the wood picture was perfect to give out the feeling and imagery of your storybook. I’m originally from New England so the forests there are much more then those found here in Oklahoma. It took me back home so I got a good image of the woods and the reader finding the diary on the floor. Regarding the first story I think you did a very good job by choosing the write the story in the wolf’s perspective. This allowed the reader to see what the wolf is thinking. Finally I think you did an excellent job in how you ended the first story by using the famous cliffhangers to keep the reader wanting more. That is a classical tactic and I do not think I have seen that in any storybook that I have read so far. Good Job and keep up the good work!
Hi Kelsey! I read your introduction and the first story before, hence, I came back to check if you added another one. And I was happy to see you did.
ReplyDeleteI really like the change of direction the story took. The first story was all about him almost eating the kid. But on this one, he lets the first kid go and decides on the next kid. That change was really awesome because it was different than most wolf stories. I really like how you kept the readers intrigued right until the end, and we still don't know what happens! That is some good writing. The image is very wonderful and it went very nicely with the main point of the story. I didn't find any errors. But few sentences about the diary reader who is in the forest would've been cool.
I cannot wait for the next story and cannot wait to see which way you take this. Great job!
I had only read your introduction, so I came back to read your stories. I was so happy to see that you changed your theme and title! The Wolf Diary works SO much better! Tell Laura that you changed your title though, she still has it listed as "Aesop's Wolves".
ReplyDeleteI like the diary format, it works so well. I also like the style that you have written in! Like, reading your story feels like I am actually reading someone's diary! Well done.
I'm also happy to see properly formatted (and good) dialogue and thoughts! Not everyone knows how to use those well, and you did a great job.
I also like that your Storybook is a continuing story. It made me want to read on!
Also, your images look great too.
Look forward to reading the next story!
Hey Girl, it's me again! Your intro and first story were both so good that I just had to come back and check out your second story! Great job I must say! Going through this class, I can get worded out easily, but the way your writing flows make me want to read more. You should look into becoming a professional writer! You have some great elements in your storybook. I like that you keep changing it slightly each time I visit. It gets better and better visually. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really love your story book! You did a great job on the theme and the background. The colors you used are very woodsy and I love that it helps tie the theme back to wolves. I really enjoyed your first story because I read it one of the first weeks of this class and it is one of my favorites! I really like how you chose to make these all one continuous story about a wolf by continuing on after you clicked the link at the bottom of the page before the author’s notes. I also love how you have author’s notes after each story to explain where you got the story! That is very informative. Your pictures are all very fitting. They’re very enjoyable to look at. Overall, your project is very good! It is aesthetically pleasing and I really like the way you put it together. I can’t wait to see the finished project!!!
ReplyDeleteHey Kelsey, so reading through your second story was really enjoyable because I got to see what happened to the boy playing music. Through your words I was able to see why the wolf didn’t eat the kid. This is why I really like how you put your story in first person through the eyes of the big bad wolf that eats everybody. The fact that he gets hungry makes me see that he’s not all that bad and he just wants to eat. This allows me to see why the wolf is bad in the eyes of others. At the same time I can see that the wolf doesn’t want to be seen as weak for not eating the kid. You did a really good job telling the reader what wolf was thinking and allowing us to feel what he was feeling through the way you described his hunger. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHI Kelsey! I picked your storybook as my free choice as I really liked your first two stories. I was happy that you added a third story as the second was really intriguing.
ReplyDeleteThis story was really great as well. Thankfully, the wolf made a good decision, and we had a happy ending. I like how you continued to show us how conflicted he was in deciding to let the boy. Those details were really nice and it showed how close he was to having the boy for lunch. I felt you did a great job in finishing this storybook. You tied up all the ends, and finished really nicely. The part where the reader finishes reading contains great amount of details. That was really great! The ending was really nice also as I thought the wolf might come out of somewhere to attack the reader. The details about the bed made it really great as it's making me want to go to sleep now. Again, great job!
Hey Kelsey!
ReplyDeleteSo we have been put in a group a couple times and I just wanted to let you know that I have really enjoyed reading your stories! You always put so much detail into them and they are so creative and fun to read. Your visual language really lets me imagine the story in my head and makes it that much more enjoyable. I hope that this class has been fun for you and keep up the good work for the remainder of the semester! Good job!
Hey girl, I'm here again for the last time. You told me you added a third story, so I had to come back and read it! Way to end your storybook! I love the title too, "Good or Evil." It kept me guessing on what direction you were taking your story. I just love your writing style! It is clear and easy to understand exactly what you are trying to convey. I'm glad you character made the good choice and not be evil. It was a great ending. Thanks for sharing your awesome writing talents. See you later!
ReplyDeleteHi Kelsey!
ReplyDeleteI was so excited to see your Storybook voted as one of the favorites! You definitely deserve it! I really enjoy reading your stories! You put so much detail into them and it is so impressive! Your writing style is also amazing! You make your stories very easy to read and easy to understand. You keep the stories detailed yet simple enough to follow along which can be hard to do sometimes.
As far as your 3rd story goes, I was really happy the wolf made the right decision!
I went through each of stories one more time to see if I could find any grammar or structure issues but it looked pretty perfect to me! Everything appears to be edited and looks very clean.
I can tell you worked very hard on this storybook!
I hope you enjoyed writing the stories as much as we enjoyed reading them! Way to go Kelsey!
Hey Kelsey,
ReplyDeleteI decided to visit your storybook this week because I hadn’t had a chance to visit it yet this semester. Let me tell you, it definitely lived up to my expectations since seeing that it was nominated for this semester’s favorites. Congratulations on that by the way!
First of all, I really love your storybook’s layout; everything is so well put together and I get a very clear feeling of autumn and just woods from it which is just amazing. Beyond that, your writing does a really good job of pulling the reader into the story. I liked how you move your story along by the use of a diary; it’s a plot device that often is not utilized as well as you have done. I was also really impressed by your introduction. The use of second person in this part of the story really does a fantastic job of bringing the reader deep into the story. Great job!
Hello! I am actually in the Indian Epics class, but since this week we are given the opportunity to comment on other works, I decided to read through your storybook. It was really interesting to see how the different classes have their own styles of writing, based on what we have all been reading and I definitely enjoyed reading through your storybook. Firstly, I like how you draw the reader into your story by having it told in a particular narrative style that makes it feel like you are actually experiencing the events. I also really enjoyed how you used the diary to tell different myths, as if it was just from one wolf’s life, rather than a multitude of unrelated events. This made the storybook more amusing for me. My only critique is that the colors of the back ground with the white and black text are a bit hard on the eyes. Overall, I really loved your story book. Good luck with the remainder of the semester and finals!
ReplyDeleteHey Kelsey! I love everything about wolves so I was immediately interested in your storybook. (I'm currently writing a novel about werewolves!) I read your Introduction a few weeks ago and I was happy to come back this week and read some more! I love the world that you created. I also like the feeling that I'm participating in the story because I'm the reader. I really liked the voice of the narrator in your story! He seems very sassy and clever. I usually don't like cliffhangers but you'd already written the next entry so I'll forgive you. The mixture of dialogue and inner monologue made the story dynamic and I was able to see the story very clearly. The change in font color was a smart idea. It jarred me out of the story world, just like the main character. I think you did an awesome job with this entry!
ReplyDeleteHello! I had never actually seen your storybook, so when I read it from the Favourites list, I got to experience the whole thing in one go and I have to say it was a very well put together tale! I really like the style of dual stories; the reader and the wolf. Differing the font colours really helped to tell the two apart, though I am not sure the stark black and white is a proper fit. Pulling the lighter brown from the side menu to substitute the white, and the dark brown of the navigation label for the black would really tie everything together! It may be too late in the class for that now, though, so feel free to ignore that XD.
ReplyDeleteI think my favourite part of the whole storybook is the end of the wolf's part in the third story, where he explains that he left the diary on purpose to help others. It really shows character growth on his part!
I was so happy to see that your storybook was picked as one of the favorites. I had hoped other people had enjoyed it as much as me. I think I liked it so much because I really like wolves and think they are beautiful creatures. I liked the recent story you added. One thing that is important is your stories were able to keep attention through the whole story book. I also liked that in the ending story you chose to end on a positive note. I think you did a good job picking out the images for this story book. I felt like I was in the woods with each story I read. Your layout stayed the same throughout the story book, which is important because it is simple and doesn’t take away from the images. Your author’s notes were always detailed, which helped the reader understand your thought process.
ReplyDelete